Every day we are surrounded by people that have problems that we know nothing about--both internal and external daily battles. But instead of realizing this truth, we treat people like they don't matter; we neglect them, we ignore them, we hurt them, and we leave them. But why do we do this? Aren't we, too, fighting battles that those around us know nothing about? Why are we not more sympathetic to the battles that others are fighting. As usual, I'm sure everyone has their theories, but I think it's due to the societal norm of the "fake smile."
The "fake smile" is yet another cultural euphemism for misconception. In today's day in age, people are perceived as weak or weak-minded if they cannot keep their problems and emotions in check. But, WHY? Is it not human nature to have feelings and emotions and, more importantly, have the urge to share them with others? I feel as if we have become a culture of robots--where our sole purpose is to walk around with a fake smile and make other people believe that our lives are perfect, no matter how much we may be falling apart inside. But do you want to know what the worst part is? We all do it. Every single one of us. We silently compete with each other to see who is toughest mentally and pray that those around us will crack under the pressure before we do. And we all know how it feels because we've all been there. We've all gotten to a point of exhaustion and desperation. We've all gotten to the point where we question whether or not we have the strength to keep fighting another day. We have ALL been there. We desperate hope someone will see how hurt and exhausted we are, but the moment someone starts to care, we push them away...WHY?
My answer? The "fake smile." I think this euphemism has brainwashed us into actually believing that we are really okay; so, the moment someone responds to our cry for help, we flea or push them away or hut them for no reason. We are a culture of stubborn indecisiveness. We want to have it all together all the time, but we can't and we don't. We want people to help us in our time of need, but we can never humble ourselves enough to receive the help. We hate being the charity case, but complain when people try to help us...if only we weren't always wearing that fake smile.
So, how do we change this? Well, it's always excruciatingly difficult to change societal norms--history tells us that. But, just like anything, we have to first make ourselves aware of what we're doing. The moment we remember that every person we encounter is fighting a battle we know nothing about is the moment we remove the defense mechanism. The next step may be the hardest one. And that is to push through the walls that we all have built. It's tough, it's tedious, it's exhausting, but in the end, it's REWARDING! The joy you feel after helping someone during a tough season of life is a feeling that may not be duplicated or taken away. Moreover, be consistent! Keep helping people, be accountable to them and for them. Offer constructive criticism when it is warranted and show them love when it is needed. The last, but most definitely not least important step is to NEVER STOP PRAYING! We so often underestimate the power of prayer. This simple but effective act can literally move mountains!
And, just a few closing remarks...
I feel that so often we minimalize the necessity of intentionality in relationships. Be genuine! We cannot get through this life alone and we most certainly were not designed do. We need each other. We need people to cry with us on the bad days and laugh with us on the good ones, and most importantly, we need each other to lift us up when we don't think we can do it ourselves anymore. So be free of your fake smile and watch the mountains in your life move.
Saturday, October 21, 2017
Saturday, October 7, 2017
Self Assessment
The concept of a self assessment is a rather underestimated and under-used method of evaluating the people that we are and the people we hope to become. Questioning ourselves in regards to love, dreams, and aspirations is key to understand ourselves on deeper levels and help others to understand us as well. I found this on Pinterest (yes, I use Pinterest too) and felt it was a compelling and somewhat convicting self assessment. I recommend asking yourself some of these, but I'm here to answer these for myself. So, here are 30 questions....and their answers!
1. When I wake up in the morning, how do I most want to feel?
When I wake up, I most want to feel like I have a purpose for that day, like I have something to accomplish. I'm not good with days where I don't have much to do (could just be my busybody mentality lol). I try to go into the day being positive, no matter what it is I have to do.
2. What does my ideal day look like from morning to night?
My ideal day is rather busy--the more I have to do, the better I perform. I have my favorite coffee in the morning and a great breakfast or lunch. Usually there involves some kind of learning or something that makes me better at a craft and also something that may give me an opportunity to give back, whether it be pouring into a friend, or giving back to the world in some way. I'd end the day watching TV or talking with a roommate or my mother on the phone and nice cold glass of water.
3. What do I need more of in my life?
JESUS, JESUS, AND JESUS. I'm always aware that I need more of Him in my life. But, I could use more people that are willing to understand me (hence this self assessment), my goals, and dreams and are willing to help me achieve them--and vice versa. Basically, I need more people to believe in me and to believe in myself more.
4. What do I need to let go of?
This list could go on forever. But, simply put, I need to let go of anything that doesn't help me grow and isn't helping me get closer to any of the goals I have set for myself. I need to let go of negativity and focus on Jesus. The rest will fall into place, I'm certain.
5. What beliefs are holding me back from living my dream life?
Failure is always something that I've been afraid of. Although failure is very common and very normal for everyone, it still scares me. However, I'm learning that it's a necessary part of life if we ever want to grow or doing anything spectacular. Also, the belief that I won't ever find love is equally as scary. I know that this is a lie, but it has held me back from some great opportunities.
6. What does success mean to me?
My definition of success has changed many times throughout my life. At some points in my life, it has meant getting a good job one day and have a lot of money or financial stability. However, I now believe that success is different for each person. It depends on our hopes and dreams and what we believe our purpose is. To me, right now, success is acknowledging that God is in control and that I need Him more each and every day. From that, I should find what I'm passionate about and pursue that as fiercely as I possibly can.
7. What is the message that I want to share with the world?
Oh my, haha. There are so many things I want to share with so many people. But overall, I simply want to share the gospel. That Jesus died an undeserving death on the cross 2,000 years ago so that we may have life and have it more abundantly. This message truly will save lives...I know because it changed my life six years ago.
8. What brings me genuine joy?
JESUS! I'm starting to sound like a Jesus freak lol, but it's true! He does bring me inexplicable joy! But aside from that, loving people and helping them brings me joy. I can't think of a better way to spend my life on this earth.
9. What am I most grateful for right now?
GOSH. I'm thankful for so much right now--health, family, friends, opportunity, accomplishments and accolades--but I think I'm most grateful for life and the ability to do what I'm passionate about every day.
10. What am I proud of myself for?
I used to think it was a bit narcissistic to be proud of myself. But I've learned that couldn't be further from the truth! I'm proud of myself for a bunch! I'm proud of myself for growing and learning to love people more than I used to. BUTTTT, I'm very proud of myself for graduating college 5 months ago! That was an accomplishment I'll always hold dear to my heart for so many reasons.
11. What do I most need to heal right now?
I think to heal we all need to understand why healing is necessary. Again, the assessment is so relevant. I think I simply need time. They do say that time heals all wounds...
12. What do I want my life to look like in 3 years?
3 years...that means I'll be 25. I would hope I've figured things out a bit more at that point. Things are a little hazy right now. At 25, I hope I'm still actively pursuing something I'm passionate about and loving all those around me as best as I can.
13. What makes me feel truly alive?
Hmm...this is an interesting question. A lot of things can make me feel "alive." But, I love deviating from my "norm." I love doing things that people think I shouldn't do or they think I can't do...that makes me feel alive.
14. What do I most love about myself?
Oh gosh, haha. Loving myself is something that I used to struggle with. Finding things to love about myself was actually a great start. Some of things include my irritating laugh, because it means I'm feeling joy. Another is my ability to have compassion for so many people, because it means I'm showing love to others. And another is the fact that, unlike the rest of my generation, I'm not so addicted to technology and social media...rather I enjoy the little things in life.
15. What makes me feel nourished on all levels (mind, body, and spirit)?
As for my mind, I love learning, absorbing, and deep thinking. Nothing nourishes my mind better than being challenged and helping myself grow. As for my body, loooooots of food and a good workout help my body to feel good. And finally, my spirit is nourished by thinking of and meditating on the goodness of the Lord.
16. What wild things would I love to try?
I wouldn't consider this wild, but I would love to take a year and travel the world. There are so many natural wonders and different places in the world that I'm dying to see. God's creation is simply just too beautiful to ignore.
17. If I could make a living doing anything I wanted, what would I do?
Isn't that the point of life? To make a living doing something we love and are passionate about...hmm....
18. What do I need to forgive myself for?
I need to forgive myself for expecting myself to be perfect at all times. I'm always telling myself that people are just human and make mistakes, but sometimes I forget to apply that to my own life. I don't know why it's so difficult for me to forgive myself for being human when Jesus wasn't.
19. What would I do if I wasn't so afraid of failing?
I would change the world. I still might one day.
20. What is my top goal right now? What first action do I need to take?
My top goal is always to be more like Jesus. To do that, I need to spend more time with Him. After that, my goal is to go to graduate school to continue my education. The first action I need to take is to trust myself. After that, I know God's got me.
21. What advice would I give my teenage self?
I would give myself sOoooOoOooo much advice if I could. But, the best piece would be to not take everything so seriously. I spent so much time being upset about so many things. But life goes on. However, I'm thankful to have learned this along the way.
22. What do I want my legacy to be?
At the end of my life, I want to be able to say that I used everything God gave me to the best of my ability. Using his gifts and blessings is what we are all called to do. Also, I want to touch the lives of those around me. I want at least one person to be able to look at me and say, "My life is different because of you."
23. How can I add more fun into my everyday life?
LAUGHTER. Never stop laughing, never stop smiling, and never stop looking for the good in the world--I know it's still there. What could be more fun than that?
24. How have I been getting in the way of achieving my goals?
Doubting myself. Being afraid of failing. Falling short of expectations. Disappointing those around me.
25. What makes me feel powerful and lit up?
Good things in my life make me feel powerful. But above that, having lots of loving friends makes me feel powerful. Nothing great was ever achieved alone.
26. What do I need to stop doing to live a richer and happier life?
Again, I need to stop doubting myself and trust myself and my decisions. The self-doubt is only destructive for my future.
27. What am I afraid of?
A bunch, honestly! Failure. Falling short and missing the mark. Not effectively using my gifts and talents. Not sharing the gospel enough. Not loving people enough. But, I'm working on all of these, I promise...
28. How do I add value to the world and those around me?
Keep preaching the gospel, keep teaching the word of Jesus Christ, and keep loving people around me.
29. How can I show myself more love?
I need to realize that I am worthy of love and that I deserve it. I think this is the only way I can love myself more.
30. What desires do I need to surrender to the universe?*
I put an asterick by this because it asks what I should surrender to the universe. Seeing as I am an active follower of Christ, I surrender things to Him, not the universe. And I should surrender everything to Him, because it's not mine to keep for myself and I know Christ will never fail me.
1. When I wake up in the morning, how do I most want to feel?
When I wake up, I most want to feel like I have a purpose for that day, like I have something to accomplish. I'm not good with days where I don't have much to do (could just be my busybody mentality lol). I try to go into the day being positive, no matter what it is I have to do.
2. What does my ideal day look like from morning to night?
My ideal day is rather busy--the more I have to do, the better I perform. I have my favorite coffee in the morning and a great breakfast or lunch. Usually there involves some kind of learning or something that makes me better at a craft and also something that may give me an opportunity to give back, whether it be pouring into a friend, or giving back to the world in some way. I'd end the day watching TV or talking with a roommate or my mother on the phone and nice cold glass of water.
3. What do I need more of in my life?
JESUS, JESUS, AND JESUS. I'm always aware that I need more of Him in my life. But, I could use more people that are willing to understand me (hence this self assessment), my goals, and dreams and are willing to help me achieve them--and vice versa. Basically, I need more people to believe in me and to believe in myself more.
4. What do I need to let go of?
This list could go on forever. But, simply put, I need to let go of anything that doesn't help me grow and isn't helping me get closer to any of the goals I have set for myself. I need to let go of negativity and focus on Jesus. The rest will fall into place, I'm certain.
5. What beliefs are holding me back from living my dream life?
Failure is always something that I've been afraid of. Although failure is very common and very normal for everyone, it still scares me. However, I'm learning that it's a necessary part of life if we ever want to grow or doing anything spectacular. Also, the belief that I won't ever find love is equally as scary. I know that this is a lie, but it has held me back from some great opportunities.
6. What does success mean to me?
My definition of success has changed many times throughout my life. At some points in my life, it has meant getting a good job one day and have a lot of money or financial stability. However, I now believe that success is different for each person. It depends on our hopes and dreams and what we believe our purpose is. To me, right now, success is acknowledging that God is in control and that I need Him more each and every day. From that, I should find what I'm passionate about and pursue that as fiercely as I possibly can.
7. What is the message that I want to share with the world?
Oh my, haha. There are so many things I want to share with so many people. But overall, I simply want to share the gospel. That Jesus died an undeserving death on the cross 2,000 years ago so that we may have life and have it more abundantly. This message truly will save lives...I know because it changed my life six years ago.
8. What brings me genuine joy?
JESUS! I'm starting to sound like a Jesus freak lol, but it's true! He does bring me inexplicable joy! But aside from that, loving people and helping them brings me joy. I can't think of a better way to spend my life on this earth.
9. What am I most grateful for right now?
GOSH. I'm thankful for so much right now--health, family, friends, opportunity, accomplishments and accolades--but I think I'm most grateful for life and the ability to do what I'm passionate about every day.
10. What am I proud of myself for?
I used to think it was a bit narcissistic to be proud of myself. But I've learned that couldn't be further from the truth! I'm proud of myself for a bunch! I'm proud of myself for growing and learning to love people more than I used to. BUTTTT, I'm very proud of myself for graduating college 5 months ago! That was an accomplishment I'll always hold dear to my heart for so many reasons.
11. What do I most need to heal right now?
I think to heal we all need to understand why healing is necessary. Again, the assessment is so relevant. I think I simply need time. They do say that time heals all wounds...
12. What do I want my life to look like in 3 years?
3 years...that means I'll be 25. I would hope I've figured things out a bit more at that point. Things are a little hazy right now. At 25, I hope I'm still actively pursuing something I'm passionate about and loving all those around me as best as I can.
13. What makes me feel truly alive?
Hmm...this is an interesting question. A lot of things can make me feel "alive." But, I love deviating from my "norm." I love doing things that people think I shouldn't do or they think I can't do...that makes me feel alive.
14. What do I most love about myself?
Oh gosh, haha. Loving myself is something that I used to struggle with. Finding things to love about myself was actually a great start. Some of things include my irritating laugh, because it means I'm feeling joy. Another is my ability to have compassion for so many people, because it means I'm showing love to others. And another is the fact that, unlike the rest of my generation, I'm not so addicted to technology and social media...rather I enjoy the little things in life.
15. What makes me feel nourished on all levels (mind, body, and spirit)?
As for my mind, I love learning, absorbing, and deep thinking. Nothing nourishes my mind better than being challenged and helping myself grow. As for my body, loooooots of food and a good workout help my body to feel good. And finally, my spirit is nourished by thinking of and meditating on the goodness of the Lord.
16. What wild things would I love to try?
I wouldn't consider this wild, but I would love to take a year and travel the world. There are so many natural wonders and different places in the world that I'm dying to see. God's creation is simply just too beautiful to ignore.
17. If I could make a living doing anything I wanted, what would I do?
Isn't that the point of life? To make a living doing something we love and are passionate about...hmm....
18. What do I need to forgive myself for?
I need to forgive myself for expecting myself to be perfect at all times. I'm always telling myself that people are just human and make mistakes, but sometimes I forget to apply that to my own life. I don't know why it's so difficult for me to forgive myself for being human when Jesus wasn't.
19. What would I do if I wasn't so afraid of failing?
I would change the world. I still might one day.
20. What is my top goal right now? What first action do I need to take?
My top goal is always to be more like Jesus. To do that, I need to spend more time with Him. After that, my goal is to go to graduate school to continue my education. The first action I need to take is to trust myself. After that, I know God's got me.
21. What advice would I give my teenage self?
I would give myself sOoooOoOooo much advice if I could. But, the best piece would be to not take everything so seriously. I spent so much time being upset about so many things. But life goes on. However, I'm thankful to have learned this along the way.
22. What do I want my legacy to be?
At the end of my life, I want to be able to say that I used everything God gave me to the best of my ability. Using his gifts and blessings is what we are all called to do. Also, I want to touch the lives of those around me. I want at least one person to be able to look at me and say, "My life is different because of you."
23. How can I add more fun into my everyday life?
LAUGHTER. Never stop laughing, never stop smiling, and never stop looking for the good in the world--I know it's still there. What could be more fun than that?
24. How have I been getting in the way of achieving my goals?
Doubting myself. Being afraid of failing. Falling short of expectations. Disappointing those around me.
25. What makes me feel powerful and lit up?
Good things in my life make me feel powerful. But above that, having lots of loving friends makes me feel powerful. Nothing great was ever achieved alone.
26. What do I need to stop doing to live a richer and happier life?
Again, I need to stop doubting myself and trust myself and my decisions. The self-doubt is only destructive for my future.
27. What am I afraid of?
A bunch, honestly! Failure. Falling short and missing the mark. Not effectively using my gifts and talents. Not sharing the gospel enough. Not loving people enough. But, I'm working on all of these, I promise...
28. How do I add value to the world and those around me?
Keep preaching the gospel, keep teaching the word of Jesus Christ, and keep loving people around me.
29. How can I show myself more love?
I need to realize that I am worthy of love and that I deserve it. I think this is the only way I can love myself more.
30. What desires do I need to surrender to the universe?*
I put an asterick by this because it asks what I should surrender to the universe. Seeing as I am an active follower of Christ, I surrender things to Him, not the universe. And I should surrender everything to Him, because it's not mine to keep for myself and I know Christ will never fail me.
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