Abandonment

One of the most cliche, yet suprisingly accurate things I've ever seen on the Internet in the last few years is the abundance of relationship accounts. Whether these be on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, society once again rears its ugly head by forcing teenagers and young adults to fill their heads of unrealistic standards for relationships and some of the most depressing love stories anyone can imagine.

One common post, tweet, whatever social media it may be on, is the expression,

"One of the hardest things in life is watching someone you love, love someone else"

I don't know about you, but I think this is really depressing. Honestly, I never got it. In my head, I'm wondering, "How much could you possibly love someone that doesn't even care enough about you to love you back?" 7 years of social media, 4 years of high school, and 3 years (almost there...) of college experiences still didn't help me to fully grasp this....until just a few days ago....

A question for anyone who wants to reflect:

How much of yourself are you willing to give to someone?
Whether that be physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually;

I gave so much of myself to someone, it nearly cost me my short-term sanity.

But it wasn't all bad. I thought I was investing in this person (and let's face it, investments can be good!). I thought everything I gave to this person, my time, my prayers, my support, myself, would have a ten-fold return. Just when I though everything I always wanted was about to come true....

He left.

You left.

Just like that. You left me.

Everything I sacrificed, everything I prayed for, everything I wanted, gone; because, you left.

When you left, you took it...

You took it without realizing and it never came back, & it still hasn't found its way back to me.

It was the hope I had in you.

When you left, the first thing I felt was pain...then came anger, then came disappointment, then humiliation, then regret, sorrow, then came the feeling that has yet to depart from me..

Abandonment.

Unlike the hope I had in you, this feeling has never escaped me.

There's so much that goes along with it: loss, loneliness, despair, anguish, hopelessness, and sadness.

Just when I though it couldn't get any worse, you said the words to me, still, clear as day:

"I never loved you. I love her."

Abandonment.

You walked out of my life, after promising you'd never leave.

I wanted to believe it was for the best, I wanted to believe that I would be better off without you, I wanted to believe that I'll find somebody better one day...

....and it was, I will be, and I will.

But for now, I'm left knowing two things:

1) I now know how painful it is to watch the person you love, love someone else.
and
2) I'm so much harder to love that I could have ever imagined.